Like this painting? Me too; it’s one of my favorites. The colors, however, were not my choice at first (I love them now). My daughter picked them out of a plastic bin I have. She was so proud of her finger painting: clapping, pointing to it and telling me all sorts of stories about it. I love that she picked out the colors on her own, what a wonderful opportunity for her to express her unique personality!
This is a topic I’ve been contemplating for a while; especially since my daughter is starting to develop her own tastes and style. So this is the question I want to ask all of you to ponder:
Why does it matter to me what my child’s _______ looks like?
Fill in the blank with whatever applicable word fits your life. Hair? Clothes? Room? Art? Finger nails? Anything really could go here, the point it to ask why it even matters.
This topic causes a lot of people to jump to the defensive. It’s interesting to me to see their reactions. Once our kids have reached the age of making their own choices, why do we still feel the need to control all their choices?
Have we not raised them to make good choices? Is it a deeper insecurity that we haven’t done a good job of raising them? We’re afraid that their decisions will make us look bad? That people will think we aren’t good parents? That our kids will look different? Weird even?
Here are some reactions I got when I asked this same question to people I know:
1. Short hair looks more professional.
a. Um…they’re kids!! No kid is being considered for CEO anytime soon, so let it go.
2. I don’t want my girls to dress like women.
a. Why would you even buy them clothes like that? If you don’t want them wearing inappropriate things then don’t even buy them.
3. I want my kids to look like me or I want all my kids to match.
a. That was weird even on the Twilight Zone. Enough said…
I think all of these answers are rather selfish, but perhaps that’s me. Why impose our own insecurities on our children? Let them express themselves! Let them mismatch their clothes, grow their hair out, paint their nails bright green! Why does it really matter so long as they are happy and confident? Are we really trying to raise lemmings? Individuals who follow society because they don’t know any different?
One of the things I do is let my daughter pick out her outfit for school each Friday. Monday through Thursday are crazy days for me, so I normally set her clothes aside first thing in the morning to help move things along. But Friday is a special day! No matter what she picks, she gets to wear it. She’s only one, so I still control her choices a bit by:
· Only putting school/play appropriate clothes in the drawers she can reach. (This means her nice things are in the closet where she can’t pick them for daily wear.)
· Only having seasonal options available.
Here’s the result:
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